The 8 rings of Vegas Hell

This video is a must-watch for anyone who lives (or has lived, or, heck, has spent more than a weekend) in Vegas -- if you've gambled/partied/stayed at the Hard Rock especially.

(whomever wrote this sure hated the Hard Rock. For the record, I don't think the place is that bad -- this short just does a really good job of exploiting its cheesiest characteristics -- which, of course, aren't exclusive to HRH.)



The premise goes like this: Two friends decide to go to Vegas where they quickly find themselves sucked in by the douchebaggage emanating from the city's very core.

Armed with four talking sidekicks -- a condom, an obnoxious/ugly shirt, a cell phone and a money clip -- the guys have all they need. They hop a plane (modeled after Virgin's signature fleet of dance-dance-revolution/dance-dance-aeroplanos) and head to Sin City.

Once in sunny LV, they wear tacky shirts, party at tacky clubs, and -- lord have mercy -- go to the tackiest place in the entire cesspool: Rehab (The Hard Rock's pool party, not the self-help place; THIS rehab is as opposite of self-help as you can get... from what I understand, you have to be a straight-up masochist (or completely insane) to voluntarily go there.)

Needless to say, debauchery ensues: The guys do a few kilos of coke, sleep with a bimbo, and party with the devil.

At any rate, animation is great, the story is funny and you should totally check it out.

Enjoy.

Aaaaaall the single ladies...

Some days I feel more single than others, and while they're few and far between, some days I feel particularly, painfully single. On those days there's just a few things that make me feel fabulous: Sex and the City, a good workout, and really, really bad dance music. (not necessarily in that order.)

Naturally, no cheesy girlie playlist would be complete without Beyoncé's "Single Ladies."

(Hey, I tried to warn you.)

In case you live under a rock (or just have far better taste in music AND the ability to filter out this kind of mainstream garbage) the video for the song -- which, for the record, we heard played FIVE times at Moon this Valentine's Day, and we arrived at midnight -- is at the top.

Apparently I'm not alone in my love for this song. Or for the already-dated SNL parody of the music video, featuring Ms. Sasha Fierce herself, along with Justin Timberlake (who I actually have come to respect as a result of all his self-depreciating work on SNL); my non-romantic funny man crush, Andy Samberg, and the always enjoyable Bobby Moynihan.

The skit, which premiered on NBC back in November, was by far my favorite few minutes of SNL in a long, long time.

It parodies the Beyoncé's sexy video using leotarded-up Timberlake, Samberg and Moynihan in the place of the very sexy, very female back-up dancers in the actual video.

Naturally, hilarity ensues.

My favorite part:

"You boys warmed up?"
"Oh we're warmed up."
"We're warmed up like biscuits."
"Yeah, dance biscuits."

SNL Parody of "Single Ladies"

As luck would have it, I stumbled upon a few other "Single Ladies" parodies today while I was trotting though YouTube.

They include an Italian version featuring 22-year-old daughter, 42-year-old mother and 66-year-old grandmother; and a Dan Band parody (yet another gem from FunnyOrDie.com).

So to all the single ladies out there, enjoy.

And to all the single guys: enjoy the videos, too -- just remember not to take your girl for granted because before you know it, your fine-behinded version of Beyoncé might be on her way out the door, leaving you with nothing more than the chorus a-ringin' in your ears: "If you like it then you should've put a ring on it..."

"Uh-uh-oh, uh-uh-oh, uh-uh-oh, uh-uh-oh..."

;)

The Dan Band's take on "Single Ladies"

Mother-lover-hood: growing on me

At first I wasn't a fan but this clip featuring Justin Timberlake and Andy Samberg is growing on me. Also, the Susan-Sarandon-Rocks meter has reached an all-time high because of it.

Check it out:

Jennie's a gun-toting PC

Oh, Funny Or Die, how I do love you so. I'd count the ways, but, well, I'm lazy and don't feel like taking off my shoes.

Still, my love for that site is true; almost as true as my love my work-issued Mac. (Not that I have against the iMac desktop I have at home.)

At any rate, here's a cute video from FOD about Jennie Pierson's quest for the perfect computer to have, hold, and love for all time. (Or the next 2-3 years, whatever.)

As Jenny finds, true compu-compatibility is hard to find.

While I don't agree with her chosen companion (a PC) I know we all can't love overpriced spaceship-like Macs.

Laptop Hunters: Jennie - watch more funny videos

Like a boss on a boat

Those of you who know me know I like to laugh.

Andy Samberg doesn't know me but he sure does know how to make me laugh.

Here are two oldie-but-goodies from Lonely Island to get your work week rollin': "Like a Boss" and "On a Boat."

"Like a Boss*" features two very funny -- and offensive -- dudes: Andy Samberg and Seth Rogan.

Caution: It's almost as catchy as it is funny. You might get it stuck in your head, and you might have to fight the urge to finish your sentences with "like a boss" after watching it.



"On a Boat**" is just as funny but not quite as vulgar. Basically it's just Andy on a boat*** with Akiva Schaffer and T-Pain.

I think I find it funnier than most people because this of this random dude I encountered at Lavo one night. His business card is hands down THE funniest one I've ever seen in my entire life (sorry I don't have it with me; I'd love to include a pic to show y'all just how glorious it is). At any rate, he added me on Facebook and I OK'd the request just because his FB profile pic (that's it, to the right) is of HIM on a BOAT -- and therefore solidified his spot as "cheesiest guy I've met in Vegas" -- and everyone knows Vegas is one of the cheesiest (while simultaneously coolest) places on Earth.

Hope you enjoy the video. As Schaffer says, "This isn't Seaworld, this is as real as it gets."

Other favorite moments include Samberg's mentioning of "flippy floppies" and Schaffer's dolphin-riding. The best line, though, goes to T-Pain: "Believe me when I say I fu©ked the mermaid."

Once again: Enjoy.



*course subject matter, language and images.
**course language.
***it's not a boat, it's a yacht.

New media 2.0: time-wasting d-bags

(thanks to TSoligo for this one)

Waking up in Vegas

I wake up in Vegas all the time.

OK, technically I wake up in Henderson -- maybe that explains it.

Either way, I can't help but notice my experiences are nothing like what's shown in the video for Katy Perry's latest god awful single, "Waking Up in Vegas."

While Perry and I both hail from Commonwealth countries, it's painfully obvious that we have nothing in common. Sure, the two of us have the same naughty bits, but that's where the similarities end.

For starters, I don't gamble. I haven't bet a dime since I got here and I don't plan to start throwing my hard-earned money away any time soon.

Perhaps that's why, unlike Perry, I don't often hang out in the high roller suites at the Palms.

And unlike Perry (and Britney Spears and all the rest) I have yet to walk down the aisle here in Sin City. Or anywhere, for that matter. Hell, I haven't even been engaged... Yet. You never know what tomorrow might hold. Or tonight, for that matter -- this is Vegas, after all. Call me optimistic; I call myself romantic. But I digress.

Like the British pop tart, I've been to Fremont many times. But whenever I go it's hillbilly central, not some splashy, flashy scene where elephants and fire-breathers run wild. (Let's face it: the Griffin and DCR are more my speed; even Beauty Bar is too hip for me sometimes.)

I admit, I've done a lot of wacky stuff downtown, but unlike Katy, I've never made out with some guy in a phone booth while dollar bills swirl through the air.

Or made out in a phone booth at all, come to think of it.

Wait. Does Vegas even have public phone booths? I don't think I've seen any. Hmm. Perhaps I should find one; they look like a good time.

At any rate, here's Perry's new video. Turn the sound off and enjoy the all the Vegasisms, including Penn and Teller's cameos.

This is why gawd (er, Steve Chen, Chad Hurley and Jawed Karim) invented YouTube

It's been a long week. Happy Friday, everyone.

Effing Hipsters!

If you, like me, lack both style and patience with people who think they have a lot of it, you will like this site.

It's called Look at This Fu©king Hipster and it's pretty funny.

They add a new hipster for you to point and laugh at every day. Users can also submit their own pics of unassuming hipsters for consideration.

The only down side, of course, is that they're just pictures of the hipsters, not the hipsters themselves, so you can't slap them. No matter how much you really, really want to.

Most of the pics are shot on the NY subway -- many at the Bedford Ave. stop in Brooklyn, I notived -- and I saw at least one photo from Explain This Image.com (another brilliant site well-worth checking out if you haven't already).

There's also no "next" button, so you have to click a photo, then hit the "back" arrow to return to the archive, which is super annoying ... but not as annoying as the effing hipsters.

So Lindsay Lohan DOES have a sense of humor, after all

Sure, she was dumped a week ago and hasn't worked in nearly a year. That doesn't mean Lindsay Lohan can't joke about it.

Lohan took life's lemons and made some pretty funny lemonade with 'em this week -- perhaps it was spiked with vodka? -- on FunnyOrDie.com.

Enjoy.

Lindsay Lohan's eHarmony Profile from Lindsay Lohan

Old media, meet new media

This is hilarious. Cov'rit!! Or just watch it, whatever.

http://www.blogger.com/post-create.g?blogID=29963423

*** UPDATE *** Facedbooks Ads: Better And Better

A while back I shared my beef concerning Facebook ads. Well, today's ads were so funny, I had to share them with y'all:

First: "U.S. Immigration Law" (immigration litigation services -- lol!)
Second: "You're ready to commit." (ad for engagement ring -- funny for very different reasons.)
Third: "Are You Expecting?" (baby stuff -- kinda scary.)

... these were followed by the regular slough of diet/oral contraceptive/retail ads -- and one for suburban D.C. real estate: "TH for Sale Chantilly VA."

Keep up the good work, Facebook. And keep up the blind throwing-of-money-into-the-pit, advertisers.

I love it all.

Only in D.C...

I've been here for more than six months now, but I feel as though I have just recently arrived. After months of new discoveries and realizations I'm starting to feel like a local.

Now, keep in mind that Washington D.C. is a town of transients, so to feel like a "local" -- or be considered one, for that matter -- all one needs to do is stick around for longer than one semester: When the semesters switch, so does a hefty portion of the population. (The younger portion -- the interns -- that make up a significant chunk of D.C.'s "out and about" set, and you can't help but notice...)
That said, with more than 180 days of life in the D.C. metro area, I am feeling pretty comfortable here. I know the neighbourhoods, have favourite restaurants, and rather than walking in circles or needing a pocket map, I am now able to navigate most areas with confidence.

I've also come to recognize what I call DC-isms:


1. Men with Fluffy Hair.
I don't know if it's the humidity or just massive instance of bad sense of style, but the iconic D.C. male has slightly too-long, fluffy-looking hair. It looks as silly as it sounds, but the 'do is rampant within the beltway.

2. Black Luxury Cars.
White, red, blue, or beige would be far too controversial, I guess -- the vast majority of luxury sedans and sports cars are black. I should also note that D.C. has a high ratio of BMWs, Audis, and Mercedes-Benz on the road compared to other cities I've lived -- including diplomat and government worker-filled Ottawa.

3. Personalized License Plates.
OK, this one is Virginia-based, but it is a trend that permeates the capitol. Virginia has more personalized license plates than any other state (according to the radio). My favourite one to date: An older model Honda Civic hatchback with "THE CEO" driving north on Route 7 from Fairfax to Loudoun County a few weeks back. Brilliant.

4. Being Overdressed.
People tend to dress up here. Certainly more than what I'm used to. I'm used to wearing jeans and a sweater to an Irish pub. Here, it's jeans or pants with a collared shirt or equally corporate looking top. This place brings business casual" to a whole new level. And you know what? It's not necessarily a bad thing. As long as I can still wear my hoodie when I want to.

(I should note that a certain WAPO VP gets bonus points for wearing his KU hoodie to the office with jeans. That's the stuff that motivates me to reach for the top and hope I, too, get to the point professionally where I hold the authority to wear my hoodie to the office and not have to worry about getting a talking to.)

5. Running Around the National Mall.
When I first visited D.C. (in 2004, as one of the thousands of notorious interns) I couldn't get over all the people running around the Capital Mall. For those of you who don't know what the CM is, it's a huge green space in downtown D.C. that stretches from the Lincoln Memorial in the west to the U.S. Capital building in the east. The Washington Monument sits in the middle, and various Smithsonian and national museums line its parameter. Knowing this, it doesn't take long to figure out the place is packed with tourists.

I don't know about you, but when I run, I get sweaty (I also get really red in the face and look particularly ridiculous, but let's not get into that) and when I'm all sweaty and disgusting, I tend to avoid crowds. And that is why I always thought those CM joggers were out of their minds.

But! I have come to realize that there are few other places in the D.C. metro area that are accessible to urban residents who don't want to or don't have the car required to drive somewhere to start their run.

So yes, I have become one of them. I've done the loop from my apartment in Arlington, over the Key Bridge into Georgetown, along the GT canal and then down along the waterfront, up to the Lincoln Memorial and around the perimeter of the Mall. I have no idea how many tourists' photos I've ruined (or unknowingly/unwillingly appeared in) but I have thought that it'd be a neat study: How many times you're likely photographed per minute on an average Sunday afternoon along the CM.

6. Aggressive Cab Drivers.
Taxis are being forced to transition from this archaic zone-based system to meters, and the cabbies are mad as hell. No longer will they be able to rip us all off (and claim the trip passed through five zones when it actually stayed within two or three). In protest, they've upped the angry-cabbie-ante. Drivers refuse to take fares who need to pay by credit card (which would require them to declare their earnings! The horror!) and I once waited 45 minutes at the airport as cab after cab after cab refused to take me. (Some actually said OK, but when they learned I wasn't going for a 30-minute ride through gridlocked D.C., which did nothing to improve my opinion of D.C.'s esteemed cabbies.)

Perhaps it goes without saying that I welcome the meters with open arms, and try to walk or metro instead of cabbing it whenever possible.

7. Drycleaners, Drycleaners, Drycleaners.
There is a drycleaner on every block in this town. OK, that's a slight exaggeration but not totally overblown. This is the city that defined the power suit and the power (suit-clad) lunch, so it's no surprise that all those lobbyists and legislators provide a sufficient market.

Drycleaners are to D.C. what delis are to NY or, to a lesser extent, what falafel shops are to Ottawa or sushi joints are to Vancouver.

8. Extreme Diversity.
The distribution of wealth in this city is ridiculous. You have the poorest of the poor living a few blocks from some of the nicest, stately homes on the Hill. My first year in D.C., I walked from my house, through the ghetto, through a not-so-bad area, then out-and-out ghetto, again, to get to work. And that was eight blocks, the short way.

9. People who think they're really, really important.
Sure, D.C. is a town of movers and shakers, but that doesn't mean everyone here is indeed a mover or a shakers. Or even close to being important. I've encountered soooo many aides-to-aides-to-the-assistant-to-the-undersecretary, and interns working with those at the bottom of the totem pole who have this ridiculous sense of entitlement and power.

Ridiculous.

I've also met a handful of legitimately powerful people who are completely down to earth and very, very cool. Don Graham from the Washington Post is at the top of that list, but there are a few others, luckily, who will remain nameless.

Unfortunately they are far outnumbered by the self-important lunatics running in circles trying to make themselves look more important than they actually are.