The embattled actor has been through the wringer lately. His most recent marriage, like the one before it, is now in shambles, he's in rehab, and his show, Two and a Half Men, is on hiatus.
The actor made headlines a few weeks back when he was spotted drinking and partying in Las Vegas. At the Palms. With a bunch of porn stars.Sheen, of course, is no stranger to scandal. He's cheated, he's struggled with addictions... he's a walking, talking mess most of the time. Still, this latest schmozzle has me feeling sorry for him.
Apparently he has no friends anymore, and has to pay mediocre-looking bimbos to party with him. Take, for example, porn starlet/aspiring scam artist Kacey Jordan.
Apparently Sheen paid her $30 grand to party with him ("memo: sexual favors rendered?") at the Palms that weekend. Afterward, the money-hungry tartlet spun the entire encounter for even more moolah: Somehow, TMZ managed to show up at the very Bank of America ATM Jordan went to to cash the $30,000 check Sheen had given her—in fact TMZ was there, ready and waiting at the exact moment Jordan arrived. And she was caught wearing a colorful sun dress with heels that afternoon, too. What a funny coincidence that must have been!!
The serendipitous meeting was so perfect, in fact, that TMZ has a special photo gallery of the whole thing. The title? "Tracey Jordan Gets Paid." Yes, I'm sure she does. She probably gets paid for every hit and click-through to the TMZ site, too.
Cha-ching! No wonder she's smiling.Apparently Jordan wanted CASH, but the ATM would only give her $8k in bills at a time, so she'll have to go back for another trip or two (perhaps to an actual bank this time, instead of a dingy ATM) to get the remaining $22,000 in cash. Still, she managed to walk away with the $8,000 fanned out in front of her, for all to see. Because, again, that's what normal people do! Who hasn't walked away from an ATM counting their thousands of dollars of cash, displaying the notes for all to see?
Now, a normal-ish person would just deposit the original check and be done with it, but clearly, Jordan is not your a normal person. She's a porn actress, and a smart one at that! Smart enough to know she could sell another day's worth of photo ops and get another day of press if she had to go back and do it all over again, at least.
Yes, folks. This is what we've come to. Porn stars cashing checks that coked out actors gave them for lord only knows what... this is NEWS.
Watch for ever-enterprising Ms. Jordan on the cover of your favorite grocery store tabloid sometime soon, alongside a bright yellow headline that reads, "MY NIGHT WITH CHARLIE SHEEN!" -- a bullet list of subtitles screaming "Cocaine!" "Porn Stars" "Sex" etc.
Now, all of this check-cashing business leads me to ask yet another question: Who wants to walk around with $30,000 cash in their pocket? Never mind that! Who NEEDS $30,000 in bills—in other words, what is said person going to buy with that kind of cash? Hmmm! Let me guess! Is it white and rhyme with the word "propane?" Sigh again. Alas, I digress.Perhaps I shouldn't be so hard on Jordan. Clearly, she is a savvy businesswoman. Meanwhile, another of Sheen's poorly hand-picked (and well-paid) partiers, Michelle "Bombshell" McGee, cashed in on Sheen's partying at the Palms, too. She told (read: sold her story to) Radar Online about the mountains of cocaine that were brought to Sheen's suite. She also was careful to say she had nothing to do with it. (Riiiiight. Just like she had nothing to do with the break-up of Sandra Bullock's marriage to legendary dirtbag Jesse James, huh? Although, let's face it, Sandy had it coming. Oh! But I digress again...) Here's a link to the Radar Online story, in which Bimbo McGee claims snowball-sized balls of coke worth a total of $20,000 were brought to Sheen's hotel room... while she was busy reading Bible stories between rounds of Yahtzee, apparently.
Whatever.
That Sheen sure knows how to pick 'em.
I wonder how many days it'll take before his rehab nurse starts live tweeting?
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