A while back I shared my beef concerning Facebook ads. Well, today's ads were so funny, I had to share them with y'all:
First: "U.S. Immigration Law" (immigration litigation services -- lol!)
Second: "You're ready to commit." (ad for engagement ring -- funny for very different reasons.)
Third: "Are You Expecting?" (baby stuff -- kinda scary.)
... these were followed by the regular slough of diet/oral contraceptive/retail ads -- and one for suburban D.C. real estate: "TH for Sale Chantilly VA."
Keep up the good work, Facebook. And keep up the blind throwing-of-money-into-the-pit, advertisers.
I love it all.
Tuesday
Only in D.C...
I've been here for more than six months now, but I feel as though I have just recently arrived. After months of new discoveries and realizations I'm starting to feel like a local.
Now, keep in mind that Washington D.C. is a town of transients, so to feel like a "local" -- or be considered one, for that matter -- all one needs to do is stick around for longer than one semester: When the semesters switch, so does a hefty portion of the population. (The younger portion -- the interns -- that make up a significant chunk of D.C.'s "out and about" set, and you can't help but notice...)
That said, with more than 180 days of life in the D.C. metro area, I am feeling pretty comfortable here. I know the neighbourhoods, have favourite restaurants, and rather than walking in circles or needing a pocket map, I am now able to navigate most areas with confidence.
I've also come to recognize what I call DC-isms:
1. Men with Fluffy Hair.
I don't know if it's the humidity or just massive instance of bad sense of style, but the iconic D.C. male has slightly too-long, fluffy-looking hair. It looks as silly as it sounds, but the 'do is rampant within the beltway.
2. Black Luxury Cars.
White, red, blue, or beige would be far too controversial, I guess -- the vast majority of luxury sedans and sports cars are black. I should also note that D.C. has a high ratio of BMWs, Audis, and Mercedes-Benz on the road compared to other cities I've lived -- including diplomat and government worker-filled Ottawa.
3. Personalized License Plates.
OK, this one is Virginia-based, but it is a trend that permeates the capitol. Virginia has more personalized license plates than any other state (according to the radio). My favourite one to date: An older model Honda Civic hatchback with "THE CEO" driving north on Route 7 from Fairfax to Loudoun County a few weeks back. Brilliant.
4. Being Overdressed.
People tend to dress up here. Certainly more than what I'm used to. I'm used to wearing jeans and a sweater to an Irish pub. Here, it's jeans or pants with a collared shirt or equally corporate looking top. This place brings business casual" to a whole new level. And you know what? It's not necessarily a bad thing. As long as I can still wear my hoodie when I want to.
(I should note that a certain WAPO VP gets bonus points for wearing his KU hoodie to the office with jeans. That's the stuff that motivates me to reach for the top and hope I, too, get to the point professionally where I hold the authority to wear my hoodie to the office and not have to worry about getting a talking to.)
5. Running Around the National Mall.
When I first visited D.C. (in 2004, as one of the thousands of notorious interns) I couldn't get over all the people running around the Capital Mall. For those of you who don't know what the CM is, it's a huge green space in downtown D.C. that stretches from the Lincoln Memorial in the west to the U.S. Capital building in the east. The Washington Monument sits in the middle, and various Smithsonian and national museums line its parameter. Knowing this, it doesn't take long to figure out the place is packed with tourists.
I don't know about you, but when I run, I get sweaty (I also get really red in the face and look particularly ridiculous, but let's not get into that) and when I'm all sweaty and disgusting, I tend to avoid crowds. And that is why I always thought those CM joggers were out of their minds.
But! I have come to realize that there are few other places in the D.C. metro area that are accessible to urban residents who don't want to or don't have the car required to drive somewhere to start their run.
So yes, I have become one of them. I've done the loop from my apartment in Arlington, over the Key Bridge into Georgetown, along the GT canal and then down along the waterfront, up to the Lincoln Memorial and around the perimeter of the Mall. I have no idea how many tourists' photos I've ruined (or unknowingly/unwillingly appeared in) but I have thought that it'd be a neat study: How many times you're likely photographed per minute on an average Sunday afternoon along the CM.
6. Aggressive Cab Drivers.
Taxis are being forced to transition from this archaic zone-based system to meters, and the cabbies are mad as hell. No longer will they be able to rip us all off (and claim the trip passed through five zones when it actually stayed within two or three). In protest, they've upped the angry-cabbie-ante. Drivers refuse to take fares who need to pay by credit card (which would require them to declare their earnings! The horror!) and I once waited 45 minutes at the airport as cab after cab after cab refused to take me. (Some actually said OK, but when they learned I wasn't going for a 30-minute ride through gridlocked D.C., which did nothing to improve my opinion of D.C.'s esteemed cabbies.)
Perhaps it goes without saying that I welcome the meters with open arms, and try to walk or metro instead of cabbing it whenever possible.
7. Drycleaners, Drycleaners, Drycleaners.
There is a drycleaner on every block in this town. OK, that's a slight exaggeration but not totally overblown. This is the city that defined the power suit and the power (suit-clad) lunch, so it's no surprise that all those lobbyists and legislators provide a sufficient market.
Drycleaners are to D.C. what delis are to NY or, to a lesser extent, what falafel shops are to Ottawa or sushi joints are to Vancouver.
8. Extreme Diversity.
The distribution of wealth in this city is ridiculous. You have the poorest of the poor living a few blocks from some of the nicest, stately homes on the Hill. My first year in D.C., I walked from my house, through the ghetto, through a not-so-bad area, then out-and-out ghetto, again, to get to work. And that was eight blocks, the short way.
9. People who think they're really, really important.
Sure, D.C. is a town of movers and shakers, but that doesn't mean everyone here is indeed a mover or a shakers. Or even close to being important. I've encountered soooo many aides-to-aides-to-the-assistant-to-the-undersecretary, and interns working with those at the bottom of the totem pole who have this ridiculous sense of entitlement and power.
Ridiculous.
I've also met a handful of legitimately powerful people who are completely down to earth and very, very cool. Don Graham from the Washington Post is at the top of that list, but there are a few others, luckily, who will remain nameless.
Unfortunately they are far outnumbered by the self-important lunatics running in circles trying to make themselves look more important than they actually are.
Now, keep in mind that Washington D.C. is a town of transients, so to feel like a "local" -- or be considered one, for that matter -- all one needs to do is stick around for longer than one semester: When the semesters switch, so does a hefty portion of the population. (The younger portion -- the interns -- that make up a significant chunk of D.C.'s "out and about" set, and you can't help but notice...)
That said, with more than 180 days of life in the D.C. metro area, I am feeling pretty comfortable here. I know the neighbourhoods, have favourite restaurants, and rather than walking in circles or needing a pocket map, I am now able to navigate most areas with confidence.
I've also come to recognize what I call DC-isms:
1. Men with Fluffy Hair.
I don't know if it's the humidity or just massive instance of bad sense of style, but the iconic D.C. male has slightly too-long, fluffy-looking hair. It looks as silly as it sounds, but the 'do is rampant within the beltway.
2. Black Luxury Cars.
White, red, blue, or beige would be far too controversial, I guess -- the vast majority of luxury sedans and sports cars are black. I should also note that D.C. has a high ratio of BMWs, Audis, and Mercedes-Benz on the road compared to other cities I've lived -- including diplomat and government worker-filled Ottawa.
3. Personalized License Plates.
OK, this one is Virginia-based, but it is a trend that permeates the capitol. Virginia has more personalized license plates than any other state (according to the radio). My favourite one to date: An older model Honda Civic hatchback with "THE CEO" driving north on Route 7 from Fairfax to Loudoun County a few weeks back. Brilliant.
4. Being Overdressed.
People tend to dress up here. Certainly more than what I'm used to. I'm used to wearing jeans and a sweater to an Irish pub. Here, it's jeans or pants with a collared shirt or equally corporate looking top. This place brings business casual" to a whole new level. And you know what? It's not necessarily a bad thing. As long as I can still wear my hoodie when I want to.
(I should note that a certain WAPO VP gets bonus points for wearing his KU hoodie to the office with jeans. That's the stuff that motivates me to reach for the top and hope I, too, get to the point professionally where I hold the authority to wear my hoodie to the office and not have to worry about getting a talking to.)
5. Running Around the National Mall.
When I first visited D.C. (in 2004, as one of the thousands of notorious interns) I couldn't get over all the people running around the Capital Mall. For those of you who don't know what the CM is, it's a huge green space in downtown D.C. that stretches from the Lincoln Memorial in the west to the U.S. Capital building in the east. The Washington Monument sits in the middle, and various Smithsonian and national museums line its parameter. Knowing this, it doesn't take long to figure out the place is packed with tourists.
I don't know about you, but when I run, I get sweaty (I also get really red in the face and look particularly ridiculous, but let's not get into that) and when I'm all sweaty and disgusting, I tend to avoid crowds. And that is why I always thought those CM joggers were out of their minds.
But! I have come to realize that there are few other places in the D.C. metro area that are accessible to urban residents who don't want to or don't have the car required to drive somewhere to start their run.
So yes, I have become one of them. I've done the loop from my apartment in Arlington, over the Key Bridge into Georgetown, along the GT canal and then down along the waterfront, up to the Lincoln Memorial and around the perimeter of the Mall. I have no idea how many tourists' photos I've ruined (or unknowingly/unwillingly appeared in) but I have thought that it'd be a neat study: How many times you're likely photographed per minute on an average Sunday afternoon along the CM.
6. Aggressive Cab Drivers.
Taxis are being forced to transition from this archaic zone-based system to meters, and the cabbies are mad as hell. No longer will they be able to rip us all off (and claim the trip passed through five zones when it actually stayed within two or three). In protest, they've upped the angry-cabbie-ante. Drivers refuse to take fares who need to pay by credit card (which would require them to declare their earnings! The horror!) and I once waited 45 minutes at the airport as cab after cab after cab refused to take me. (Some actually said OK, but when they learned I wasn't going for a 30-minute ride through gridlocked D.C., which did nothing to improve my opinion of D.C.'s esteemed cabbies.)
Perhaps it goes without saying that I welcome the meters with open arms, and try to walk or metro instead of cabbing it whenever possible.
7. Drycleaners, Drycleaners, Drycleaners.
There is a drycleaner on every block in this town. OK, that's a slight exaggeration but not totally overblown. This is the city that defined the power suit and the power (suit-clad) lunch, so it's no surprise that all those lobbyists and legislators provide a sufficient market.
Drycleaners are to D.C. what delis are to NY or, to a lesser extent, what falafel shops are to Ottawa or sushi joints are to Vancouver.
8. Extreme Diversity.
The distribution of wealth in this city is ridiculous. You have the poorest of the poor living a few blocks from some of the nicest, stately homes on the Hill. My first year in D.C., I walked from my house, through the ghetto, through a not-so-bad area, then out-and-out ghetto, again, to get to work. And that was eight blocks, the short way.
9. People who think they're really, really important.
Sure, D.C. is a town of movers and shakers, but that doesn't mean everyone here is indeed a mover or a shakers. Or even close to being important. I've encountered soooo many aides-to-aides-to-the-assistant-to-the-undersecretary, and interns working with those at the bottom of the totem pole who have this ridiculous sense of entitlement and power.
Ridiculous.
I've also met a handful of legitimately powerful people who are completely down to earth and very, very cool. Don Graham from the Washington Post is at the top of that list, but there are a few others, luckily, who will remain nameless.
Unfortunately they are far outnumbered by the self-important lunatics running in circles trying to make themselves look more important than they actually are.
Thursday
Blog Confirms The Obvious: I'm White
I love silliness, and one of the silliest blogs out there right now is Stuff White People Like.
Why? Because I'm slightly perplexed. See, I've been thinking I'm white for about 25 years now. I wasn't totally sure, so I recently went through the list to see just how white I am. My lack of rhythm was an indication that I'm pretty white, but I wanted to know just how white I really am – or am not.
The list has 93 items on it right now, and I related to a lot of them. 32 of them, to be precise. I have a love-hate relationship with two of the items on the list, and 12 of them didn't appeal to me at all. So I'm either 34.4% white, or 12.9% not white.
It's great. If you've been living under a rock and haven't heard of it, here's what you're missing: a (growing) list of 90+ things that white people like, and posts detailing why white people like these things.
My white characteristics include liking the following:
If you're thinking, 'hey! That doesn't add up to 93!' it's because you're right: I didn't feel strongly for or against the rest of the things white people like, so I didn't bother mentioning them.
... despite the uncertainties, I'm pretty sure my Ukrainian-English-Italian Canadian pedigree ensures I am, indeed, white. Damn it anyway.
Yet after reviewing the list, I got to thinking: What other things do white people like? My initial thoughts are below, with an asterisk following the ones I, too, tend to like.
Why? Because I'm slightly perplexed. See, I've been thinking I'm white for about 25 years now. I wasn't totally sure, so I recently went through the list to see just how white I am. My lack of rhythm was an indication that I'm pretty white, but I wanted to know just how white I really am – or am not.
The list has 93 items on it right now, and I related to a lot of them. 32 of them, to be precise. I have a love-hate relationship with two of the items on the list, and 12 of them didn't appeal to me at all. So I'm either 34.4% white, or 12.9% not white.
It's great. If you've been living under a rock and haven't heard of it, here's what you're missing: a (growing) list of 90+ things that white people like, and posts detailing why white people like these things.
My white characteristics include liking the following:
- music piracy
- San Francisco
- dinner parties (favourite kind of party, period)
- modern furniture (function before fashion, but fashion, too, please)
- multilingual children (my kids will be moreso than I)
- threatening to move [back] to Canada (performed on a regular basis)
- recycling (militant)
- Toyota Prius (love 'em)
- Juno (fav. movie of the year so far)
- Kitchen gadgets (this makes me white AND 38 years old)
- dogs (down with cats)
- living by the water (it's the way it should me)
- Whole Foods and grocery co-ops (yes, I have cloth shopping bags, too)
- the Sunday New York Times (not that I've had the time to read it lately)
- sushi (love the raw fishies!)
- Apple products (one you go mac you don't go back)
- Arrested Development (seriously funny show)
- renovation (mum, I get this from you)
- breakfast places (bring on the hashbrowns)
- architecture (for sure)
- vegan/vegetarianism (me being bunny hugger #1 and all)
- Manhattan and Brooklyn (damn straight)
- David Sedaris (smart, funny dude)
- wine (Chilean cab or shiraz, or Argentinean malbec please)
- having two last names (perhaps I will one day)
- traveling (not that I've done enough of it as of late)
- tea (make mine rooibus chai)
- Barack Obama (barry's the man)
- diversity (the spice of life)
- organic food (it's good for you and tastes better... what's not to like?)
- farmer's markets (went to mine this morning...)
- film festivals (as long as they don't involve 3-hour films about nothing)
- St. Partick's Day (stupid fake holiday)
- outdoor performance clothes (no thanks, nerd)
- difficult breakups (what's to like?!)
- divorce (" ")
- expensive sandwiches (I almost threw up when I saw a $12 egg sandwich at the Boston airport. are we really that gullible?)
- 80s night (not quite my scene)
- Mos Def (not a fan)
- Asian girls (I've met a lot of them, but have only LIKED a few of them... it's not a get-in-the-good-books free card. sorry. same goes for white/black/red/purple chicks, btw.)
- West Anderson movies (pass)
- religions their parents don't belong to (don't be a poopy pants)
- coffee (yuck)
If you're thinking, 'hey! That doesn't add up to 93!' it's because you're right: I didn't feel strongly for or against the rest of the things white people like, so I didn't bother mentioning them.
... despite the uncertainties, I'm pretty sure my Ukrainian-English-Italian Canadian pedigree ensures I am, indeed, white. Damn it anyway.
Yet after reviewing the list, I got to thinking: What other things do white people like? My initial thoughts are below, with an asterisk following the ones I, too, tend to like.
- Nintendo Wii*
- Medical attention
- Coach handbags/purses with initials on them
- Self-improvement
- Replacing children with pets
- Pedicures
- Theatre*
- Nascar
- Childcare
- Book collections*
- Botox and boob jobs
- Complaining and talking about how busy/stressed-out they are
- Mullets
- Hockey*
- Dark coloured luxury cars, minivans
- Wearing socks in sandals
- Business travel (most often to attend [useless] conferences)
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