Moral of the story: Never buy a car from a Tory.
If I bought a "new" car from Stephen Harper, it might have 38,700 kilometres on the odometer — not too new, if you ask me. It probably wouldn’t be all that fuel-efficient, either, but that’s besides the point (Kyoto is “socialist scheme,” remember?) and it’d probably smell like cheeseburgers.
But I digress... Since we live in a wired world (and this is appearing on a blog) I visited dictionary.com to see what the experts say ”new” really is. “Of recent origin, production, purchase, etc.; having but lately come or been brought into being: a new book,” reads the first definition.
Perhaps dictionary.com’s fourth definition (“unfamiliar or strange,”) or sixth one (“unaccustomed“) is more appropriate for the Conservatives.
I think Mr. Harper is choosing the 11th (and second-last) interpretation of the word when it comes to his government’s newness: “being the later or latest of two or more things of the same kind: the New Testament; a new edition of Shakespeare.” In this light, we could have this same new government for the rest of time, if no other party is elected.
God help us.
I also find it ironic that this definition seems to be exclusive to the great and prolific, the Bible and Shakespeare. Have the Conservatives achieved holy status? Was Othello a Tory?
It’s clear that Stephen Harper’s interpretation of “new” is not in line with the majority of Canadians. I know, I know, I, too, am shocked.
Here’s another thought: following the PM’s trusty model, my brother could sell his text books from last year as “new,” instead of “used.” This is great news! Or does it get even better? Does it mean he can return the textbooks to the college bookstore where he bought them at the beginning of the semester? I’m sure he still has the receipts, so there shouldn’t be a problem! After all, they’re still new, not used! Just ask the PM!
Do you remember the good old days, when Clinton was president and the only definition being debated was “sex?” Oh, those were the days. It opened up a lively international dialogue, spicing up dinner conversations (and bedrooms?) coast to coast. But those days are long gone, my friends.
And here we are, it’s February 2007, and we’re enduring our 55th week of newness.
Let me say it here and say it now: I am tired of my new government, no matter how old they really are.
If something is new after 387 days, that means....
- A new baby could be walking. And talking.
- You could hear he following during an episode of the Price is Right: “... A NEW CAR! This 2006 Ford Focus comes complete with 38,700 kilometres on the odometer, over a year’s worth of wear and tear, and one flat tire! Its oil needs a change and the fluids should be topped up, but you’ll be right at home behind the wheel of this broken in beauty, if the price is right... “
- you can return your new spring wardrobe in July, cash in your tank tops in September, and enjoy a winter coat for a few months before getting a full refund.
- the Liberals are still to blame for everything, apparently.
Sunday
Recycling 101: Make it user-friendly. Dammit.
Tomorrow my fair city gets a new wine bottle recycling program. Hip hip hurray, we’re all going to be greener: we’ll be enviro-friendly AND richer for it, too. When we return our wine bottles to the Beer Store locations, they’ll give us $.50 per bottle in cold hard cash.
But wait a second, you say. WINE bottles to the BEER Store? Isn’t that a contradiction?
You bet it is. And only a province like Ontario can do such a thing with a straight face.
Now I’m all for recycling. I’m anxiously awaiting urban brown boxes (compost/organic waste collection) and I recycle everything that I can (and will carry plastic bottles for hours in order to find an appropriate receptacle instead of sending yet another product to the landfill). But this new wine bottle recovery system is seriously flawed. And dare I say, stupid.
First, the obvious: Why would I, a self-confessed wino, take my bottles to the beer store? I hate that place, and it is totally out of my way.
The green-aspect of the program is totally lost, unless you walk there (carrying a box of wine bottles… um yeah right) or take the bus (you’d look like an alcoholic, but in your own defense, you’ll fit right in on the mid-morning rides).
The extra gas a person would burn in their own car while making the special trip to the Beer Store will cancel out any carbon emission saving the recycling effort could possibly represent. In fact, I think my carbon footprint will grow if I participate in this program.
So here’s my simple, lazy-yet-practical solution: I’m going to do what I’ve been doing for years. Keep your lousy 50 cents, Ontario; my bottles are going into my blue box, and if someone wants to rifle through it as it awaits pick-up, it’s fair game. My laziness is their gain. Or something.
If the province was serious about getting more people to recycle their wine bottles, they’d get the stores that actually sell wine, the LCBOs, to collect the darn things. And they’d offer a better incentive, too. A measly 50 cents per bottle really is pocket change. While running into the Beer Store, you could reasonably plunk that much into the meter in order to avoid a parking ticket (yeah, most Beer Stores have parking lots, but that’s beside the point. And the lot at the Bank Street location is almost always full whenever I go… well, the two times I’ve been).
A case of beer is worth a few bucks in refunds; why is a wine bottle any different? If they put a $1 enviro levy on wine bottles, THEN you’d see the returns. But at .50, all we’ll see is frustrated wine drinkers and even more blue box rummaging than we already do.
It is a well-intended program, but it needs a realistic, worthwhile incentive in order to be effective. Bottles should go back to where they came from, and the penalties for non-compliance need to be higher. The return depots should be moved to LCBO locations, and each bottle should carry a minimum $1 levy. And while we’re revamping the program, let’s include all liquor bottles, too, while we’re at it.
I’m serious about recycling, but it’s hard to be dedicated when the province takes such a scatterbrained and impractical approach.
I think Ontario has followed the Feds with this latest enviro policy: all talk and very little action – and what action we do see is ridiculously limited, user-prohibitive, and ass-backwards. Yes, this is just one of many great initiatives brought to you by the overpaid bureaucrats at Queen's Park. Roll your eyes, throw up your arms, and enjoy.
But wait a second, you say. WINE bottles to the BEER Store? Isn’t that a contradiction?
You bet it is. And only a province like Ontario can do such a thing with a straight face.
Now I’m all for recycling. I’m anxiously awaiting urban brown boxes (compost/organic waste collection) and I recycle everything that I can (and will carry plastic bottles for hours in order to find an appropriate receptacle instead of sending yet another product to the landfill). But this new wine bottle recovery system is seriously flawed. And dare I say, stupid.
First, the obvious: Why would I, a self-confessed wino, take my bottles to the beer store? I hate that place, and it is totally out of my way.
The green-aspect of the program is totally lost, unless you walk there (carrying a box of wine bottles… um yeah right) or take the bus (you’d look like an alcoholic, but in your own defense, you’ll fit right in on the mid-morning rides).
The extra gas a person would burn in their own car while making the special trip to the Beer Store will cancel out any carbon emission saving the recycling effort could possibly represent. In fact, I think my carbon footprint will grow if I participate in this program.
So here’s my simple, lazy-yet-practical solution: I’m going to do what I’ve been doing for years. Keep your lousy 50 cents, Ontario; my bottles are going into my blue box, and if someone wants to rifle through it as it awaits pick-up, it’s fair game. My laziness is their gain. Or something.
If the province was serious about getting more people to recycle their wine bottles, they’d get the stores that actually sell wine, the LCBOs, to collect the darn things. And they’d offer a better incentive, too. A measly 50 cents per bottle really is pocket change. While running into the Beer Store, you could reasonably plunk that much into the meter in order to avoid a parking ticket (yeah, most Beer Stores have parking lots, but that’s beside the point. And the lot at the Bank Street location is almost always full whenever I go… well, the two times I’ve been).
A case of beer is worth a few bucks in refunds; why is a wine bottle any different? If they put a $1 enviro levy on wine bottles, THEN you’d see the returns. But at .50, all we’ll see is frustrated wine drinkers and even more blue box rummaging than we already do.
It is a well-intended program, but it needs a realistic, worthwhile incentive in order to be effective. Bottles should go back to where they came from, and the penalties for non-compliance need to be higher. The return depots should be moved to LCBO locations, and each bottle should carry a minimum $1 levy. And while we’re revamping the program, let’s include all liquor bottles, too, while we’re at it.
I’m serious about recycling, but it’s hard to be dedicated when the province takes such a scatterbrained and impractical approach.
I think Ontario has followed the Feds with this latest enviro policy: all talk and very little action – and what action we do see is ridiculously limited, user-prohibitive, and ass-backwards. Yes, this is just one of many great initiatives brought to you by the overpaid bureaucrats at Queen's Park. Roll your eyes, throw up your arms, and enjoy.
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